


Would that make you happy?

by Wolfinshipclothing



Series: Made of Light [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Eldritch Steven Universe, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Friends, Fights, Gen, Light Angst, Self-Esteem Issues, Sort Of, Telepathy, Trust Issues, anger issues, kind of... its complicated, manipulative!Steven, you have three guessed which one of these belong to who
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21855241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfinshipclothing/pseuds/Wolfinshipclothing
Summary: Steven is visiting Jasper again, as he took the habit of doing. But Jasper is tired of dealing with him, and just like the first time, they fight.This time, however, Steven is not going soft on her. She wanted to see everything he can do and he is happy to provide.And we’ll see if she likes it.
Relationships: Jasper & Steven Universe
Series: Made of Light [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1611175
Comments: 7
Kudos: 94





	Would that make you happy?

**Author's Note:**

> WELP, i never thought i would write another fic in English. Life is just full of surprises!
> 
> This fic is all based around something i wrote on my tumblr, about how i thought Steven is not enterely aware of the power he have over other (or if he is, he doesn't show it). 
> 
> So, this is my take on that subject... And what better way to make a discussion about power than adding Jasper into the mix!
> 
> So its essentially Jasper and Steven fighting and throwing emotional stuff at eachother. 
> 
> Just be warned that english IS NOT my native tongue and this was not beta'ed. Still, i think is legible? 
> 
> Lol idk, you guys tell me... Enjoy!

"I don't get you, Universe," said Jasper, out of nowhere.

Steven raised his head from the donut he was eaten. They were sitting outside Jasper's cave, lying on a red and white blanked he had brought. There was a still half-full bag from the Big Donut between them. So far, Jasper has eaten not a single donut.

"What do you mean," he asked.

"That."

Steven blinked a few times. "What, my donut?"

"Yes. And this," she pointed at the blanket. "And all of this you are doing, and _you_ ," Steven shuddered at the way she said 'you'. "Why do you insist on coming here to see me? You know I don't like you. That much is evident."

Steven made an _Oh_ sound. He rushed to finish his donut and swallowed loudly.

"Because I like you," he said, with the caution one would use when talking to a stray dog. "And I like spending time with you. _Plus_ , I like to think you are warming up to me."

Jasper's face was hard as stone ( _ha!_ ). Steven cleared his throat.

"Besides, I haven't given up on helping you," Jasper scoffed and averted his gaze. "Jasper, you can't keep living by yourself on a cave in the middle of the woods. No matter how comfy it is."

"It is not 'comfy'."

"See! That's what I'm talking about. It's not good for you to be here. You need the company of other gems."

"Then take me with you!"

Steven beamed with joy, but the Jasper's rabid face was confusing.

"That's what I don't get," said Jasper. "If you are so desperate, so _dedicated_ about helping me, just take me as your prisoner and have it be done with."

Steven's lips trembled. He wasn't mad; mostly, he was _offended_ by the suggestion.

Jasper signed. She raised her head to the sky, looking for something in particular.

 _Looking for the Homeworld Nebula_ , thought Steven, _but you can't see it during the day._

"I heard the tales about you," Jasper proceeded, her gaze still fixated on the sky, "about what you did while you were with the Diamonds," she laughed dryly. "'The Legends of Steven Universe'. Traveling across space. Liberating planets, crushing the loyalists. Dismantling an Empire with nothing more than a shield and a few well-chosen words. I heard it all and I didn't believe a word."

Steven stared at the ground, driving his attention to a solitary daisy growing at his feet. It was wilting.

 _If only it have been as easy as it sounded_.

He looked up to see Jasper staring at him. It was a strange look; as if she was seeing him for the first time.

"And then I saw it," she said through clenched teeth. "That first time you visited me. You showed me what you were capable of. You are not just talk, you can deliver. Being that the case, tell me: if you want me to go with you, why don't just take me? We both know you can. Just poof me and bubble me. Or better yet, drag me there, to your ' _Little Homeworld'_. Add pain to the injury! That's what _I_ would do."

Steven nodded slowly. He didn't felt like smiling anymore.

"That's not really how I do things," he reached for the bag when a sharp pain took over him.

Jasper was holding him by the wrist. _Hard_.

"You think I am a fool?" she hissed. Steven stayed as still as a mouse near a wild cat. "You are getting stronger. You may not see me around, but I know what's going on outside this cave."

She yanked Steven to be mere centimeters apart from him. "You are like a reactor. A battery! Such untapped power at your hand... You could break worlds apart, command armies. Be a conqueror. A Diamond. And instead of doing what you were made for, what is your destiny, you choose to waste your time…" she grabbed the bag with her free hand, "by eating donuts in the woods."

Steven' mouth opened slightly.

"They are delicious. You should try one."

Jasper didn't dignify that with an answer. She stood up at great speed and, with a swift arm motion, she threw him with all her might. Steven crashed against her newly made pile of rocks, sending waves of pain up his spine. He was about to get up when there was a rumble and a shake. The pile collapsed around him and, with a loud yelp, Steven Universe was buried under a hill of rocks.

Jasper disposed of the bag of donuts, throwing its content over the ground. She tilted her neck to one side and the other until she heard the crack. Then she summoned her helmet and took a defensive stand. She waited.

BANG

The pile exploded, quite literally. Pieces of peddles and debris flew by and Jasper blocked them with ease. In the place where the rocks used to be, now there was Steven, levitating about two meters from the ground. His hue was pink, head to toe.

"You always do this!" yelled Steven, his voice cracking with emotion. "I came here to check on you, to keep you company, to see if you need any sort of help-"

"Nobody asked you to do that!" interrupted Jasper.

"I know! I do it because I care, but you keep pushing me back.

Jasper laughed. "Guess we know which of us is the most stupid."

Steven closed his mouth shut and then opened it to let out a livid groan.

"Aaagh! Why do I even bother with you? You are not even worth my time!"

"Yes! Finally you admit it!" Jasper stomped on the ground. She noticed a large boulder under her.

An idea crossed her mind. She knelt down and picked the boulder. It was heavier than what it looked like, but with all her might, she was more than capable of raising it over her head. It was bigger even than her.

"You should be doing something else. Anything could be more productive than wasting your time with me," she roared.

"Like what?" he asked, "Conquering planets and subjugating the innocents?"

Jasper raised the boulder behind her back and, pushing herself forward, threw it at Steven.

"EXACTLY!"

The boulder flew in a straight line, directly at Steven. It traveled at top speed, but as it was getting closer, it began to lose momentum. It stopped completely, a mere breath away from Steven's face.

"You know what?" said Steven, "Maybe you are right."

Jasper was taken by surprise, but didn't change her stance. She couldn't see Steven face to figure out what trick this was.

"Maybe you really are not worth my time," there was a quiver in his voice. "I should just let go."

He closed his right hand. The boulder exploded. Not loudly and dramatically like the pile of rocks before. Instead, it dissolved into tiny peddles, with hardly a sound. Jasper could look at Steven again… He looked different now, but she was not gonna let herself be intimidated.

"Heh, that's big talk for a weakling," she made a taunting hand gesture at him. "Are you ready to fight like a real gem?"

There was a flash of light and a pink blur, and Steven was now floating right in front of her. _Such speed!_ She hasn't even heard him move.

"That's exactly what I had in mind" said Steven as he raised his fist in front of Jasper's face.

He made a small pincer with his pointing finger and his thumb. He let the finger go and hit Jasper's forehead. It was as if she has been hit by a Diamond's Cruise ship; she was sent flying several meters away.

She flew in a straight light, breaking any tree that stood in her way. Finally, she regained control of her own weight and spun around, landing on her feet with a loud thud.

Jasper cleaned the dust from her form and took a glance at the path of destruction she has left. She laughed.

"Look at this! All with just one finger… You _are_ getting stronger, Universe," she yelled, although Steven was nowhere to be seen.

As if he have been summoned by name alone, Steven floated to where Jasper landed. He was levitating above her.

"Not bad, weakling. But I hope you have more tricks up your sleeve."

Steven laughed.

 _A human saying… wouldn't you know! This planet really is getting on her,_ he thought.

"Why bother? You said it yourself, I am stronger than you. Why should I fight you myself?" Steven mocked her, and laughed harder when he saw her annoyed expression. "Maybe I'll send the gems after you-no, wait! Got a better idea: I'll send the townsfolk."

Jasper groaned. She was done listening to this nonsense. She looked around at the trees and rocks and picked a nice boulder to throw at him. Just like before, the rock flew in a straight line at him. Except this time, it didn't stop; instead, it made an impossible curve and evaded him. _What in the Stars…?_

"I can make them fight you, if I wanted to," proceeded Steven as if nothing has happened.

Jasper picked another rock at threw it too. Again, it flew straight and then curved itself to dodge its target. This didn't do less than encourage Jasper, and she continued to throw anything at her reach at him.

"I'll just tell them you are a monster," a rock passed by Steven's right, "or a rebel, fixed on attacking the town," a rock passed by his left, "or maybe I'll just say you are no fun to be around and you need to be _killed_ ," a tree flew right at him and broke in half, each piece falling to each side of him. " _Mm_ , nice throw."

Jasper roared. "I am afraid of no human!"

She knelt on the ground and started to spin in place; each subsequent spin adding momentum and energy to her body. When she was moving fast enough, she let go. She traveled on the ground for a while before jumping. She flew, still a wheel of destruction, directly at Steven.

She stopped in midair, both her flying and her spinning. She was levitating, immobile. Like a used ragdoll or a child's discarded toy. She was looking up at the sky, up at Steven. _So close, yet so far…_

"Oh, I know you can beat them. In fact, I want you to kill them," Steven laughed at Jasper's silence. "Surprised? Bet you didn't know I can bring people back to life. They will be stronger. Faster. Imagine that, Jasper. You, against an endless, deathless army. Sounds fun?"

Jasper didn't back off from that taunt. "Hilarious"

By the way he frowned, that was clearly not the answer Steven was waiting for. He made a swinging motion with one hand and Jasper was thrown at the ground. She landed in the middle of the woods, far away from her cave.

She stood up quickly and scanned the area. Waiting for a punch that never came.

"Steven, you coward! Come and face me in the ground," she yelled, but didn't actually expect him to.

If she had the air superiority like he does, she wouldn't trade it up for a 'fair fight'. She just hoped Steven were more 'honor-bound' than her.

She waited for any signal of his enemy, but nothing came. She went quiet. Come to think of it, there was no sound around. None at all. That was concerning; the woods should never be this silent.

Something sharp hit the back of her neck. She turned around and threw a punch. Her fist hit the bark of an oak, breaking it in half.

 _Stupid dead tree_ , she thought.

The tree, however, didn't look dead much longer. It straightened itself; the damage she has caused healing in an instant. Jasper stared in awe as a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"I think the expression is 'tah dah!'" said Steven, but his voice didn't come from the tree. It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at the same time, but it was clear as if he was whispering to her.

"You were right again, you know?" he said. Jasper looked around but couldn't find him. How far did his control of the plant life extended to? He could be very close... "Even the humans are too strong for you. I'll just let the plants do the, _heh_ , dirty work."

The tree moved at an impossible speed and landed its branch on top of Jasper's head. Her helmet blocked the impact and broke the branch. She responded with a kick, breaking the oak in half once again. Another branch, coming from another tree, smacked her in the arm. Suddenly the whole forest came to life. Branches and roots freed themselves of their stasis just to fight her. Jasper responded with a whirlwind of kicks, punches and head butts. So immersed she was into the fight it took her a moment to realize she couldn't move her feet. There were vines growing out of the ground and entangling her ankles. She tried to take them off but they took it as a signal to grow faster; they were already at her knees.

Something tapped her shoulder softly and, believing it to be Steven, she turned around. But instead of her enemy, she found a big yellow flower filling her field of vision. The flower opened its petal and spat at her eyes.

Jasper growled. "Ahg! Cursed thing! Curse this planet!" she went for her eyes, but the sap was dry as concrete now. She couldn't see a thing.

Blind as she was, she couldn't stop the vines from growing to her chest and expanding at her arms and neck. The vines seemed to know what they were doing, for they tugged Jasper's arms down and tied them around her torso.

As the feeling of helplessness took over, Jasper screamed and yelled every curse she could think of.

"Feels pointless, uh?" said Steven's voice.

For a moment Jasper thought he was right next to her, but then realized he was probably still talking in her head.

"'Uuh, I am Jasper, and I hate the Earth'" said Steven in a mock-up of Jasper's voice. "'I am so strong and bad that I ripped of the weeds out of my garden'. Well guess what..."

In the middle of the darkness, Jasper felt a branch smack her stomach.

"Life _always_ finds a way. It never stops growing. And you," there was humor in Steven's voice, "you made the whole planet your enemy!"

With that as an order, the trees resumed their assault. The attacks were coming from everywhere at once; Jasper yelled, filled with rage, but she was immobile with the vines tangled around her form.

She screamed as some roots impaled her abdomen. "S-stop it already!"

All movement stopped and the woods were silent again. The roots retreated; Jaspers breathed out. They have pierced her form, true, but they haven't done enough damage to make her poof. Still, she was feeling lightheaded, and the idea of retreating to her gem sounded better with each passing second.

"You know? You are right," said Steven's incorporeal voice. "Even the trees are too though to be your enemies."

The trees that had surrounded her moved back to their original positions, as if nothing had disturbed them in the first place. Soon enough, Jasper was moving too, but not out of free will. She was being elevated on the air, the vines around her feet groaned as they were uprooted.

She was lifted until she wasn't anymore. A soft hand touched her eyes; she felt a slight wetness on it. The sap slowly dissolved and she recovered her sight. First thing she saw was a flash of light so bright she thought she had gone blind for real. But no… She was staring right at Steven. He wasn't shining anymore; he was _glowing_ like a star.

When Steven talked, he did so with his mouth, but his voice still resonated inside Jasper's head.

"Had enough?"

Jasper breathed loudly. "I… I don't know… What you are trying to prove… That you are stronger?" she paused, waiting for any reaction. "Well yes. There, I said it. Are you happy now?"

Steven's face darkened.

"You haven't had enough."

He raised his hand to the sky and Jasper's knew what that meant. Soon enough she was flying high into the sky, so far that Steven became a tiny unreachable dot and she could see the entirety of Beach City to her right. If she needed to breathe, she wouldn't have been able to, with how thin the air was at that altitude. When she was just about to break free of the lower layer of atmosphere when she stopped flying. The immensity of the State of Delmarva was hers alone to see. Not that she cared a bit about it though.

She closed her eyes and waited, and just as fast as she had flew up; she was now plummeting to the ground, being grabbed by an undeniable force. The wind howled, screamed around her as the ground came closer and closer. The heat around her body should have been enough to make her poof; she was a comet falling to the Earth.

Jasper clenched her teeth and waited for the impact that never came. Instead, she stopped moving; the kinetic energy she had accumulated seemed to transfer into the ground without passing to her form first. The soil under her shook and quaked, and a big hole was formed, as if she had landed face into the ground.

She didn't had time to think, for she was softly turn around and was now laying on the floor on her back, staring at the sky. The vines were still tied around her. They have been badly burnt, however, and that allowed Jasper some neck movement. She tilted her head to see she had landed just outside her cave. If she could move and shake a little bit…

"Had enough?" she heard Steven said, in the same bored tone as before.

She tilted her head forward, and lo and behold there He was… If you could call that Steven.

There was a whirlwind; a hurricane of energy that made the grass and leaves shake and fly away. Inside the maelstrom there was a pink light, bright as the innermost part of a nuclear reactor. And inside the light was, yes, the vague shape of Steven Universe. His eyes were piercing her, even with all that was happening around him.

No sound was heard, except the howling of the hurricane of power. Somehow, this defeating sight made Jasper's fighter spirit grow.

"What are you waiting for? What are these games? I was starting to believe you were a warrior," she spat. Steven's eyes were unchanging. "If you want to shatter me or take me with you or whatever you want, just do it! You know I can't stop you."

Steven signed, and after what felt like an eternity, he spoke again.

"Still not get it."

He raised his open palm. Jasper yelled in advance.

A force so strong it could tear mountains apart hit her. Jasper was pushed deeper into the ground, breaking the ground around her. She has never felt a pain like this, yet she wasn't poofing. Was this even real? If Steven could project his voice in her mind, could she make her see things, feel things that are not real?

"You think this is about strength?" Steven levitated closer until he was right on top of her.

Now Jasper could see him clearly. She was in the middle of the maelstrom.

"But the truth, Jasper… is that I am beyond strength," the whirlwind grew as the pressure around Jasper increased. "I am beyond power. There is no limit to what I can do. I can persuade every enemy to be my friend, every friend to be a soldier. I can create an army out of the soil; the whole planet could bend against its inhabitants if I ordered it so."

Jasper wanted to retort but she had nothing to say. She felt as if the world was breaking apart around her.

"But why even bother? I don't even have to fight," Jasper's eyes opened wide at this realization. "Ah, so you _do_ get it. Think about it for a second: I can heal any wounds, raise the dead back to life. Even better, I can give people _eternal life_. For a gem, that's not too important. For organics, well, it's everything we would ever want. And that's not all…"

Steven extended his arm to the side and snapped his fingers. The ground growled in pain as a tall, fully adult tree emerged from its entrails. It was as tall as the sky. He opened his palm as a red, round fruit fell into it.

"I can provide food for a million lifetimes. With a touch, I can turn dirty water into a fresh drink. I can make a barren planet into a blooming garden. Don't you see? It's amazing!" There was something twisted in Steven's smile, something Jasper has never seen before. "Every planet I go, I will be hailed as a savior. Or else…"

Steven's grip around the fruit tightened. Dread took over Jasper as she watched the fruit go from red to yellow, then to brown, and then to a green so disgusting it was hard to look at. Finally, it turned into ashes that were dispersed by the wind. Steven had done the job of an injector in a matter of seconds. Except that nothing had came out of that waste of life. No gem whatsoever. Just death.

Jasper felt compelled to speak, to break the spell he had put her into. "B-but what-"

"What about other gems, you say?" he answered, "Good question!"

He let himself fall down and landed a foot on Jasper's chest. She screamed. It burned! His touch alone was burning her form, and the heat was spreading through all her body.

"No gem would fight against me, Jasper. They know who I am. They all 'hear the legends' as you said. They know I own them," Steven brought a hand to his face, "Or maybe it's better to say that they _own_ me, for everything I had done for them. And I had done a **whole-fucking-lot** for them."

The heat was increasing as he spoke. It was like hot iron on her skin.

"But… In the case that any gem does decide to oppose me…" Steven knelt down, one foot on top of Jasper and the other on the floor. He brought his face close to her.

Diamonds! There where Diamonds in his eyes.

His index finger touched her forehead.

* * *

The world she was in now couldn't be real. For a moment, Jasper thought she has been poofed, for it looked just like inside her gem; an endless sea of orange and red floating in the void. But there was something more now. Shadows; images that flashed by her eyes. Her memories, passing by like still pictures.

Jasper saw herself emerging from her hole, taller than most other gems and filled with an even bigger purpose. The Peridots of the Beta Kindergarten, congratulating her shape, hailing her cut as _Perfect_. Her first mission, against a recently formed group of rebels; she was the leader. The war against the insurgents, which never seemed to end. Her strategies, failing one after another; the soldiers under her command, captured or shattered by the enemies. The Unspeakable… Pink Diamond's Shattering. The Diamonds scolding her in a mix of crying and yelling ( _How did you let it happen? You were the general!_ ). The next four thousands year passed in a flash; one menial task after another. And finally, Jasper had a chance at redeeming herself, an opportunity to prove her worth, by capturing the one and only Rose Quartz. Or so she thought…

Life, it turns out, was more complicated than that. All of this flashed through her eyes at the same time, filling her with emotions she didn't thought she could feel. It took her closing her eyes shut to notice she was crying.

"Please… Stop this torture," Jasper said, as coldly and controlled as possible.

" **Open your eyes, then,"** ordered a voice, and Jasper was forced to comply.

She wished she didn't.

The creature she was looking at wasn't Steven. Or perhaps it wasn't anymore, or it never was in the first place… It was humanoid in shape and as tall as the sky. It shined pure light, of a color so bright it painted everything, even Jasper herself, in a pink hue.

Strangely, the creature looked a bit like White Diamond the last time Jasper saw her. It exuded power; its light shined everywhere around, even at the sides and under Jasper (it took her a minute to realize she was not laying on the floor, but on the creature's immense palm). Aside for the color, the only thing that set apart this… thing, from White Diamond, was the Shape under the light.

It was Steven, she could see it clearly now. All the light was coming from His gem, the diamond in His belly.

" **Do you see it now?"** He said, and His voice was so loud it could tear Jasper's form apart. **"Do you see what I am? Everything you said about me… It's true. I could become all of that and more."**

Jasper felt herself being lifted to the sky; or maybe the world just shifted around her, she couldn't tell anymore. She was now staring right at His eyes. They were like pools of rainbows. All the colors of the spectrum swam and danced in them, even some colors she couldn't recognize, let alone describe.

" **But it won't be like you wanted. I won't be a general or a conqueror. Not a King or an Emperor, or a Diamond."**

Jasper felt the familiar dread of talking to a Diamond take over her. Except this time it was worse, because she didn't knew what He was…

" **I AM LIGHT"** He commanded, and the colors escaped His eyes and surrounded Jasper.

It was like the inside of a burning prism; the colors danced around her, touching her form, burning the skin. Sending one wave of pain after another.

" **I AM ALL COLORS OF THE SPECTRUM. AND WHENEVER I GO, EVERYTHING WILL BE PERFECT. EVERYTHING WILL BE MINE. EVERYTHING WILL BE PINK!"**

The colors pierced her skin and it burned! She was being devoured by the heat of a supernova! She wanted to scream and yell and beg but she couldn't. She looked down at her form loosing shape, turning into pink light. She was being consumed by His form!

" **NOW TELL ME… WOULD THAT. MAKE. LITTLE. JASPER. HAPPY?!"**

She couldn't scream-move-talk. She couldn't escape and she was being burned and she heard the cracking of her gem and shejustwantedittoSTOP!

And just like that, it did.

Cautiously, she opened her eyes. The colors were gone, returning to their place inside His pupil. He closed His eyes and the light around them dimmed; it was as if it was being absorbed by the form beneath it, and as it receded, its color faded, and finally it disappeared.

Jasper was now being held in the gigantic palm of Steven. There was still a pink aura around him and the pink diamonds still shined in his eyes. He made a hand motion and let Jasper fall into the void.

* * *

When she touched the ground, the world was again normal. She was in the middle of a hole in the ground, right outside her cave, entangled in burned vines. Steven had one knee on her chest and the other on the ground. He retreated his finger from Jasper forehead.

"I didn't think so," he muttered and stood up.

He made a jump and abandoned the hole, leaving Jasper alone.

It took her a moment to make sense of her surroundings. First, the vines around her were barely holding her now. She freed herself with little effort. Second, her form was badly hurt. She had burns all around her, and a general sense of pain and wrongness. She understood why when she touched her nose.

There was a crack in her gem. A small one, true. It will keep growing if unattended, however. Carefully, as to not open the crack any more than necessary, she jumped out of the hole.

It was devastating scenery. The landscape looked as if a powerful explosion has taken place there. The ground was devoid of all grass and life. The trees stood naked and half dead. All around, there was no sound to be heard. No chirp of bird or squeak of any animal. Only the flying ashes and the smell of the burnt soil.

Steven was standing, as unmoving as one of the trees. There was no aura around him anymore. In fact, he looked just like he always did; like a weak human.

 _All of that… was not real?_ She thought, but she knew that was not the case.

It has been real as much as her thoughts were real. When Steven touched her forehead, they went inside her own mind; that's why she recognized the place. And when she opened her eyes back there, she found herself inside His mind. All of this destruction was just the consequence of what happened in the Mindplace. The result of a powerful aura, expanding outside the limits of the gem; the Diamonds had such talents.

Jasper could only imagine what it must have looked like to someone on the physical world. Would they have seen a whirlwind of energy, or just a blinding light? She wanted to ask Steven all those questions, but there was one even more important on her mind.

"Why?"

"Why what?" he answered, a bit too fast.

"Why did you show that to me?

Steven sighed, and for a moment Jasper feared he would want to fight more.

"I thought you have learned something-"

"Cut the crap," she ordered. She could feel the pieces of her old self coming back. "You showed me what you could do. Very impressive, I'll admit it. But you didn't answer my question. If you could do this and… all of that, why didn't you before?"

It took Steven a few seconds to find his words, and when he spoke, he was overwhelmed with emotion.

"Because I don't want to."

Jasper laughed dryly. "Bullshit. You put all of that 'I am Light' show to me, so it means you think about it-"

"No, it means that I…" Steven shouted and then caught himself. He took a calming breath and thought of the ocean.

He turned around to face Jasper. "It means that, sometimes, I think about what it would be like to, just, let it go, you know?

Jasper's face twisted in a frown. She didn't know at all.

Steven rubbed his temples. "Look… Sometimes, I like to ask myself what it would be like to stop caring about… well, everything," he brought a hand to his face and stretched his skin. He was so tired. "Sometimes I think that maybe, _just maybe_ , the world, the gems, the whole… _fucking_ galaxy could give me a break and function normally without me around. I imagine what it would be like to just be me. Not Steven, the Savior of the Galaxy, or Steven, the Diamond or Steven, who is always there for everyone. Just little regular Steven who can mess up as much as he wants, because he is a person! Oh, and I definitely think about what it would be like to not have to forgive every single gem that has tried to kill me."

Jasper tensed and showed her teeth.

"Yeah, that's right!" he said, answering an unspoken question. "You think you would like to be me? You have NO idea what its like to be me. I would love to be like you! To hold a grudge, to be allowed to… be mad!" Steven groaned loudly. "I want t be mad so badly! Not just upset or annoyed. I want to be real fucking mad at everything because it's all just. Not! Fair!

"Then BE mad!" yelled Jasper. "You say it all as if it's my fault that your life sucks, but YOU are the one who wants to live like that. Tell me, who's stopping you? What reason could you possibly have to want to put up with all that crap?"

Steven's face shifted. The anger wasn't gone; it was just subdued behind a glass wall.

"Because when I don't, this happen" he pointed at the dead soil, "and that," he pointed at the trees, "and… that."

For a second, Jasper thought he was pointing at the hole in the ground but no. It was at her. She touched her gem. The crack was bigger. One look at her hand confirmed it; she was pretty sure she had five perfect fingers before; instead of the three deformed ones she had now. And the glitch was spreading to her wrist.

"That's why I do it. That's why I try to… put all this down, "Steven sighed. "Sometimes I think about it, yeah, and I ask myself: How far does that hole really goes? If I fall, if I stop caring, if I stop trying, who will I become?"

Jasper hummed. "I think you already know the answer."

Steven's gaze dropped to the ground. He was looking phantasmagorical now. Not the Happy-go-lucky Steven that had visited her today; or the monstrous, ever shining Light she had fought. This Steven was a mere shadow. Broken.

 _Heh, welcome to the club_ , thought Jasper.

"But you know? It's ok," said Steven, meeting her eyes. "Because this, all this, is not me."

He knelt on the soil and kissed the ground. The effect was immediate, both in the soil and in Steven. New, fresh grass grew instantly, extending so far as to where Jasper was standing. Steven was beaming now.

"This is me," he choked out. He took a calming breath and walked to Jasper.

The gem huffed. She had no choice; she could feel her internal organs rearranging themselves in weird patterns now. She knelt to his level. Steven put a hand on her shoulder.

"If you kiss me, I swear to the Stars, I'll rip you apart."

Steven gulped loudly. Then he licked his hand and touched Jasper's nose-gem. _Oh yes, that felt as horrible as she thought it would._ But it did the trick; her gem absorbed the healing liquid, allowing the gem to heal itself and sending waves of energy through Jasper's form. She scanned her body for defects, but there was none. Corruption side effects aside, she was as much a perfect cut as the day she was made.

"Mmhp… thanks, I guess."

"You are welcome."

They were silent for a while, sitting on the grass, almost the same way as they were before. There was, however, and unspoken respect between them. Jasper get it now, she really did. She had always thought that Rose… That Steven's necessity of surrounding himself with low class, defective gems came from a place of pride. Something he did to make himself feel better. A rock standing next to pebbles.

She had been wrong. It was actually the opposite; his so called 'love' for defective gems came out of envy. He kept off color gems around so he could play pretend.

"That's how it is, isn't it?" Jasper said, spilling her thoughts. Steven gave her a quizzical look. "That's why you keep your defective gems around, so you can put yourself down."

" _No_ , I hang out with my friends because I love them," Steven said, calling out his Diamond authority to make sure Jasper understand there was no other reason. "I 'put myself down' because I choose too."

Jasper laughed. "Don't think it's that easy, Killer," Steven flinched at the nickname.

 _I am already missing the 'weakling'_ , he thought.

"You can't throw away the parts of you that you hate," Jasper said, so certain as if she had spoken an undeniable truth about the universe. "Take me, for example."

"What do you-"

"Don't you dare playing the fool with me," Jasper's finger hit him in the chest. Steven raised his hands, as if he was being assaulted. "Look at me," she said, even more defeated than before. "I was a general. A commander. The gem the armies of Homeworld looked up to guide them. A perfect quartz soldier; a 'paragon of her kind'," she said that last part dryly as the desert. "But it was a lie. I fought more battles in my life than what you will ever see. I win many of them. Face to face, there is no gem that can match me. But in the command center? When it was my turn to lead and order my soldiers to victory, guess what happened? I failed."

Jasper looked at her closed fist as she felt her nails digging the mass of her form. Steven was silent as a pupil in front of its master.

"I lead my armies against the rebels many times. Against you- your mother," there was a brief silence. "And every time we lost. We lost ground. We lost resources, bases. We lost soldiers too; they were shattered or poofed or they simply decided that some of the crap the rebels were saying had some truth in it and they deserted."

Jasper opened her palms. The veins of the corruption were bright and mocking. "I was made to command but I couldn't do it. I couldn't prevent Pink Diamond's shattering."

"That wasn't your fault!" Steven rushed to say. "Not that, neither losing the war. It was all Pink's doing. It was an inside job!"

"I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!" Steven felt back, shield up. But the punch never came. "It was obvious. I should have known. A good commander would have known."

She let out a single chuckle. "Guess the Peridots at the Kindergarten were wrong. I am not a Perfect cut. I'm off color."

 _There_ , she said it. The phrase that has been tormented her since forever was finally out. And Jasper found out that, now that it was out… it didn't make her feel better. She just felt empty.

She stared down at her legs, her head down, her arms lying on her knees. She was the statue of a defeated soldier.

 _Bullshit_ , thought Steven.

"It's that what you believe?" he said and waited for a reaction that didn't came, "that you are defective?"

Jasper tsked. "Are you going to tell me I am not?"

"Nope. I came here to tell you there may be another way."

Steven brought his hand to the pocket of his jacket. Jasper tensed at the movement, but relaxed when Steven took out a paper. He extended his hand and Jasper took the paper. It was neatly folded and closed with a star stamp. It read 'You are invited!' written in the gem language.

"What's this?"

"It's an invitation" said Steven, too pleased with himself.

Jasper huffed. "I can read Gemling, Killer. What are you inviting me to?"

"Well… I didn't tell you before as to not ruin the surprise, but today is my birthday," Jasper shrugged at the word. Steven tapped his head, thinking. "You see, eh, we humans like to celebrate certain important events in our lives. The day we were born (that is, the day we came into this world), is one of them. And today is my birthday number seventeen. A big one!"

Out of the sudden, he had brilliant thought. "Do you remember the day you, well, came outta the hole?"

Jasper nodded. "Colony year 27. 72th rotation of this planet. Empire Year 12574."

"Wow, you do remember!" cheered Steven, earning him a stern look. "The point is we are celebrating my birthday today, at the beach house. But its gonna be very casual! The gems are gonna be there, and my dad, Connie (obviously), oh and Peridot, Lapis and Bismuth will be there too. Plus some humans; Lars, Ronaldo (hope he doesn't come dressed as a gem again) and… Well, half of Little Homeworld's population."

"Sounds private," she said.

Steven snorted. "Heh, yeah… That's my life."

"And for some reason, you want me there too?"

Steven nodded. Jasper clutched the invitation tightly on her hand.

"Why?"

Steven voice came practiced, like a general giving a moralizing speech.

"Because I want to show you what it's like. To just… accept yourself. To live in peace with who you are and learn new things about yourself and, just, enjoy life on Earth!"

Jasper shook her head _. Is he serious?_

"'Accept yourself'," she said, in a mock up of Steven's voice. Although he was better at imitating her than her at doing the same. "You mean how you 'accept' all the facets of your cut?"

"Mmm…" said Steven, not really questioning the comment, just pondering the best way to respond.

He breathed out slowly and said: "That's fair," Jasper was taken aback by this acknowledgment, "You are right. I… am not always true to myself. With all the ugly parts of me, my Diamond parts. You are right."

He then took a huge risk. He moved aside and sat next to Jasper, as if speaking to a confident friend.

"I have things about myself (facets of my cuts, as you said), that I don't like," he said, and then added quickly, "and so do you."

Jasper tilted her head to look at him. He was scared. _How? Why?_ After all that fight he was still scared of her?

 _No_ , thought Jasper, _he is just scared I'll attack him and force his hand._

"But if the gems have taught me anything, specially the Diamonds, is that anyone can change. Anyone can choose who they want to be. Be it a general," Steven's hand caressed the grass they were sitting on, "or a gardener."

The words flew around in Jasper's head; cog pieces trying to find their missing half.

"You really believe that, don't ya? That you can ignore who you are?" said Jasper, and then added softly, "and I can forget that I am a failure?"

"I believe there is a difference between changing who you are, and changing what you do with who you are."

"Mmph! That's not the Gem Way."

There was a loud, dissatisfied groan, followed by a soft breath.

"Fine. Have it your way then," said Steven as he stood up. Jasper didn't follow. "I can't say I didn't try. I'll always try, and you know it. But you are _free_ to do whatever you want. I am not your Diamond, and you don't have to follow orders anymore."

Jasper's mind stopped. Those cogs _did_ find matching pieces in her brain. Before she could say anything, however, Steven walked away. He stopped a few steps away and added, with just a bit of hope:

"We will save you a slice of cake. If you don't come by midnight, Amethyst will eat it," he laughed softly, "or I guess Amethyst might want to eat it anyway, but I'll stop her. So… bye."

And with that, he left. Jasper noticed he was walking slowly. Not slow enough to raise a comment about it, but slow enough so she could follow… if she wanted.

But what did she want? _To erase all these years_ , for starters _. To be useful again._

She thought about Steven's words. The paper was still in her hand. She opened it. On the inside it said 'You have been invited to the party of Steven Universe, bla, bla, bla' and other formalities. On the lower part of the note, there was a crude drawing of Steven himself next to, what Jasper could only assume, was a 'cake'.

He looked at the direction Steven has gone. She could hear his feet stomping loudly on the ground.

 _I am not your Diamond and you don't have to follow orders anymore_ , it's what he said.

 _Bastard_ , thought Jasper.

He said exactly what she wanted to hear. And then he dared to act like he didn't know she would follow. _WHO in the Stars and the Light itself does that weakling think **he** is?_

Her hand closed around the paper. She could break it. She could ignore everything that happened today, and go on with her life. She could stay right there and not follow and pretend that she has some sort of control, some free will.

She buffed.

 _On the other hand_ , that would only give him an excuse to come back tomorrow. Probably with a slice of cake he 'saved' for her. And well... he had given her what she had wanted all this time.

Someone to follow. Even if she and Steven had opposite opinions about what that would entail.

 _Curse you_ , she thought, against no one in particular. _And curse me. Curse this whole planet while we are at it. And curse Steven in particular. I am gonna make your life a living hell, Universe, and we'll see how you like it._

Without much else to do, she stood up and followed the sound of breaking twigs. She found the Light before finding the source. Steven has stopped walking to kiss a dead tree. The touched tree returned to full health. So healthy that, in fact, it was contagious: the soil around the tree seemed to heal too, growing grass and flowers.

Steven stopped himself from kissing another tree and adverted Jasper's gaze. He was, positively, _loving_ this moment.

"Not a word," said Jasper. Steven's smile only grew. "I am going because i want to, so don't expect me to thank you. And i won't make it easy to you."

She thought Steven would protest; demand she let him 'help her' (whatever that meant). Instead, he made a motion for her to follow and resumed his march. A few steps. Stop to kiss a tree, spreading life into the nothingness. Then he would resume his march, like it was all so normal to him.

Jasper followed behind. Not too close, for that might be taken as an invitation to chat. At some point Steven stopped the kisses, but the soil healed anyway. She also noticed the faint pink aura around him.

When they were about to leave the woods, she took a look behind.

It was a paradise garden, flowing with life.

 _I liked it better the other way_ , Jasper thought bitterly and followed Steven into town.

**Author's Note:**

> Ta dah!
> 
> I hope you liked it. This turned WAY longer than i expected, but i wrote everything that i wanted, so i am happy. Plus i think my english is way better now than it was with my last fic, so that makes me happy (Even if its not perfect yet).
> 
> Anyway, remember to comment if you liked it!


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